What If Our Presidential Candidates Were Pro Athletes?

On Wednesday night I watched President Obama and Governor Romney in the first of three presidential debates. The next morning I heard and read things like “punches were thrown”, “he played it safe” or “he swung for the fences”. I then came to the logical question: If our two candidates were professional athletes, who would they be?

Disclaimer: I’ve likely made some egregious generalizations below. If I’ve offended anyone, I’m sorry. Oh wait, no I’m not. It’s my blog.

Barack Obama is Steve Nash

They may look different, but trust me, they’re one in the same

While both Mr. Obama and Mr. Nash both love to ball, if you haven’t noticed yet, the two differ slightly in appearance (cue the: “wow, you’re racist” comments).  In each case, appearance and background posed an immense challenge in their path to success. A scrawny, barely six-foot tall South-African born Canadian somehow managed to become one of the best point-guards in the NBA, while a young lawyer born in Hawaii with Kenyan roots recently found himself in the oval office. After unlikely arrivals at their current positions, whether on the court or in the West Wing, Nash and Obama seem to share a number of characteristics:

Economic Policy: With a career average of over 10 assists per game, Steve Nash loves to spread the wealth.  Many argue that President    Obama’s economic policies tend to do the same.

Equal Rights: Nash doesn’t care who scores, everyone on the court is equal and two points is two points. Obama doesn’t care who scores either. Gay or straight…marriage is A-OK. (Fine, I’ll take a personal foul for reaching on that one).

Commander in Chief: Normally, Nash will lead his team to victory and hardly ever make the highlight reel, but every once in a while, he’ll throw up a game-winner that shakes the building. The night of May 2nd, 2011 had a similar feeling.

Approval Rating: Both of these guys have somehow managed to make half the world love them, and the other half loathe them. Nash broke the hearts of Phoenix fans when he went to the hated Lakers just a few months back. And our President, well today our country is arguably more polarized than ever.

Mitt Romney is Josh Beckett

To some, both of these men are Boston heroes. In 2007 Mr. Romney was wrapping up his term as the 70th Governor of Massachusetts, while Mr. Beckett was helping to bring home another World Series Trophy for the Red Sox. The two however, have recently polarized their respective nations. Before Beckett’s overdue departure for the west coast, he was labeled an overpaid asshole. That nickname seems to aptly describe some people’s views of the current Republican Party presidential nominee. That being said, both stand by their actions and have incredibly strong support from their fans. On the mound or on the campaign trail, the two certainly have some similarities when it comes to how they play the game:

Foreign Policy: Every once in a while, Beckett will throw a ball at your chin just to let you know that the plate is his. After watching Romney on Wednesday night and understanding his position on the Middle East, it seems that he isn’t afraid to do the same.

Health Care Reform: If Josh Beckett wants to eat chicken wings in the clubhouse or play golf with an injured shoulder on his off-day, well god damnit that’s exactly what he’s going to do. You’ll hear no debate from Governor Romney on that front, who hopes to get rid of ObamaCare and put states in charge of regulating local insurance markets.

Economic Policy: In baseball, there is no such thing as a salary cap. Sure there is a luxury tax, but it’s so minimal that the Yankees don’t blink when they spend $200 million a year. Because of this rule, Beckett faired pretty well during his time in Boston. If all goes well, you pay a few people the big bucks, and their success trickles down through the organization.

Just for Kicks

George Bush and John Daly. Just two guys trying to have a good time.

Bill Clinton and Kobe Bryant. “I did not have…”

Grover Cleveland and Michael Jordan. Both served nonconsecutive terms as the most powerful men in the game.

Andrew Jackson and Bill Belichick. No mercy.


About andrew

Co-Founder of Spogo, an interactive and rewarding second-screen experience for sports fans.

2 responses to “What If Our Presidential Candidates Were Pro Athletes?”

  1. R.Shack (spogo sis) says :

    One of your funniest yet. The Andrew Jackson/BB made me laugh out loud in torts law class.

  2. Mimi says :

    Very, very clever. Please write another blog after the next debate.


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