Patriots Patter: Week 17
Buoy, the Patriots sure made this one look easy. They sailed past the Dolphins 28-0. No way, Rear Admiral Belichick even considered removing Captain Brady from the helm in this one.
First year sailor, Justin Francis, a long shot at best to sail with this crew, has navigated himself into a position of prominence. Could he eventually be promoted to the top deck?
Mates, let us bow our heads and thank the Indianapolis Colts for charting the course of the S.S. Patriot for smooth sailing to the Isle of Denver.
Before I lose my compass, enough with the nautical chatter.
This time of year it’s common to put together lists. I’m no different. Here is my list, in no particular order, of people who annoy the hell out of me.
Bill Belichick – H.C. N.E.P., this “sub-human” treats every Patriot injury as if it is a state secret. At every press conference, Belichick describes (you fill in the name of the team) as big, tough, athletic, well coached and fundamentally sound.
Ed Hochuli – NFL referee, loves to be seen on camera. Ed uses 25 words to explain a decision that would take someone else 5.
Jon Gruden – Former coach, now works as a broadcaster on Monday Night Football. Gruden repeats the same thoughts a minimum of ten times per game.
Rob Ryan – Defensive coordinator, Dallas Cowboys. Ryan comes from a family of annoying people, twin brother is Rex, father is Buddy. Must be a joy to play for.
Fireman Ed – Longtime NY Jet fan, manages to get his mug on TV almost every game.
Either Manning brother – They’re good, but boy are they annoying.
Bernard Pollard – Safety, Baltimore Ravens. Jerk who injured Tom Brady, forcing him to miss an entire season. He, along with Logan Mankins, is among the dirtiest players in the league.
Jimmy Johnson – Former coach, currently “works” as a broadcaster for Fox. This buffoon must comb his hair with glue, as he never has a hair out of place.
Honorable mentions – Ben Dreith, Ben Hur, Ben Bernanke, Ben Jarvus Green-Ellis, Ben Vereen and Ben Roethlisberger.